


He's Dreaming

by ryuwatanabe



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-19
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-09-18 13:43:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9387734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryuwatanabe/pseuds/ryuwatanabe
Summary: Kim Junmyeon is dreaming of happiness.Kim Junmyeon is dreaming  to be in love.He's dreaming..But, love always come in different size and shape.Love sometimes unpredictable,It come at unexpected place, time and person,But, only one thing that remain undisputable..Love is inevitableThe power of love is undeniable, unconditional and overwhelmingIt can not be touched, heard and see..It only can be felt,  by the beholder of the heart..Kim Jongdae  was his protective friend.And Luhan appeared for second times in his life,There were confusion,  heartache, agony missuderstanding took place,But Kim Jongdae  was there for them as a helping friend.Saving Kim Junmyeon from himself.Together with love.Love vs hate.Would Love win? Even for a moment of dream?





	1. The Darkness

**Author's Note:**

> Finally it's Suhan as a main pairing. Always wanting to write a story for this otp. This is my third fanfict. My previous ff are suyeol. 
> 
> I know, it is non canon otp, far stretched from it, but I couldn't help but fall in love with this pairing. Well, everybody love Luhan right? Even he already left the group. He is such a sweetheart. 
> 
> She's dreaming is one of my favourite exo's song. I love how much emotional this song carry. As the main character is male, so, my version is he's dreaming. 
> 
> Next time, may be I write about suho x taehyung (v). I just love non canon pairing. Their moment together at backstage during MAMA was too precious. 
> 
> Once again, this story is quite heavy and complicated despite initial ideal to make it simple. (The writer love to explore something new)
> 
> But I wish I could bring justice to the title of this fanfict. 
> 
>  
> 
> For side note, in this fanfict, both suho and Luhan did a cross dressing during their initial stage. Luhan already knew it all along, but pretending he didn't.

He despised man. 

Especially those with gay orientation. 

He despised man. 

But unable to bring himself to love or at least feel attracted to opposite gender. 

How hopeless and helpless he was.

He felt screw up. 

 

 

Everyone has their own story. 

The dark history was deeply buried inside him and burned his soul. His heart never recovered forever. 

 

 

Kim Junmyeon looked at his own reflection. 

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful man in this world? 

No, this young man didn't have to ask this kind of question because the answer was one of the most obvious. 

He knew all the way about his look. 

He had to admit that his own reflection was beatiful. 

Even in real life, he had been showered countless time regarding how good looking he was. 

The words also even said that he was the most beautiful human being they even encountered. 

Even a man could fall in love with him. 

 

 

But, little they knew, behind his ethereal looking, he had been tainted. 

Or perhaps, they never know. 

 

Unknowingly, his hand touched his own reflection as he was mesmerizing by innocent eyes, looking all pure. 

But his entirety had been corrupted long time ago. 

 

 

You have been tainted, Kim Junmyeon.

You're no longer pure. You're worth of nothing, Kim Junmyeon. 

 

Yes, his virginity had been tainted by other's man hands. 

He is a man, but yet lost his to other's man. 

 

You're the ungliest creature in this world, Kim Junmyeon. 

You're no longer beautiful. 

 

Kim Junmyeon suddenly felt out of breath. His body shook all over by the bizarre thoughts about himself. He distanced himself from the mirror, unable to stand with his own reflection. 

 

Darkness had took over him. He smashed the mirror by hard metal. The beautiful reflection in front of him cracked into many pieces. Some of them scattered all over the floor. 

 

He teared up. 

You're no longer beautiful.


	2. The voice of sinner

Knock..knock ...There was knocking sound came from his door room, pleading to be opened, but Kim Junmyeon just ignored the noice, because there would be nobody who would come to his room other than his housemate, Kim Jongdae. The door was not lock by the way. 

Knock..knock...knock....The knock continuously attacked his eardrum, the never give up attitude to get the attention only belonging to his all time favorite dongsae, Kim Jongdae. 

"It's not lock. Just help yourself.." Kim Junmyeon scoffed a little bit

"Jun..Jun..Jun hyung..." The high pitched voice broke up his concentration on his book. 

At this moment, Kim Junmyeon gave up. He knew his revision would be long forgotten after that. The younger would win anyway. He turned his head toward to the door, only to see another head with grimacing smile popped in through half opened door. 

"Ahh..seriously Dae-shi, do you need to do that? Just enter already.." Kim Junmyeon's voice sounded a little bit annoyed. 

"Ha..ha..ha..okay.."The playful Kim Jongdae slowly walked in to his room, approaching him with a beam of witty sparkling eyes. His hands at the back apparently holding something. 

"Guess what?"

Kim Junmyeon Knitted his eyebrows, displaying his curious and at the same time confuse look. 

"I've a good news for you, Jun-hyung."

"A good news?" Kim Junmyeon scratched his non itchy head, trying his best to remember something. 

"First of all, hug me.." Kim Jongdae demanded. 

Kim Junmyeon chuckled. "Ah..Okay..just because I love you.."Kim Junmyeon hugged the younger, meeting the request. 

"I know you love me.." the younger lovingly replied. " I got a job for you. I know you'll love it", Kim Jongdae added while handed him a paper of job advertisement. He beamed, his lip naturally curled into something feline likes shaped.

Kim Junmyeon carefully read the hand over paper, word by word . His eyes were focusing in full intensity. Kim Jongdae giggled at his best friend antic. Seriously, he didn't need to pull that kind of serious face. His hyung was full of cuteness even with his serious face. 

Kim Junmyeon looked back at his friend's face. He was in deep thought for a while. 

Exodus was a cafe, just newly operated. Currently need another two workers, one male and female each. 

"How do you know about these available vacancies?" 

"It just happened when I was passing by in the town.."

" Really?" Kim Junmyeon sharply glared at the younger, giving him a suspicious look. 

"Ha..ha..ha..what ever. This is probably your only chance. The salary is quite reasonable."

"Who is the owner of this cafe?"

"If I'm not mistaken, the owner is a lady...if I'm not mistaken..."Kim Jongdae gave his amusing remark. 

Kim Junmyeon was not impressed at all with his dongsae answer. He softly slapped the younger at his shoulder for being playful. Nevertheless, he could not bring himself to be mad at his housemate because this friend of his was so precious.

Yes, Kim Jongdae was his only trustful friend, despite his playful and mischievous facade. Sometimes, Kim Junmyeon would doubt the younger, because it was hard not to fall in doubt when the younger being all playful, but at the end of the day, Kim Junmyeon would turned to him for saviour. 

Kim Jongdae was the only friend that Kim Junmyeon would opened up and loosened himself totally. They had became friend since primary school till now, attending the same university, Yonsei University. It had been twelve years and still counting, through thick and thin, their friendship grew. 

 

 

"Here you go", Kim Junmyeon said to himself, as he was about to finish the final touch up on his face. He applied a cherry red coloured on his plum moist lip. It blended well with his naturally porcelain white skin colour. Very minimum make up definitely would do because he was already a beauty. He knew what the best for him. 

He looked at his own reflection for umpteenth times before satisfied. 

"Wow, freaking hot, Junnie nonna, " Kim Jondae deliberately stressed his voice at 'Junnie' to annoy his hyung. "If I didn't know who you are and you're a man, I might probably fall in love with you."

"Ah, shut up Dae, " Kim Junmyeon blushing in crimson red. 

"But seriously Jun, do you need to do this?"

"Who knows I might bump into some weird gay.."he pulled his disgusting face. He had been traumatized not only once but several times and he had it enough. 

"You're thinking too much, Jun."

"No, I'm not. I just careful," the elder protested with pouted mouth. "You're the only man that I can trust myself enough to take care of me because you never fall in love with me. You're weird."

"So, you expect me to fall in love with you, Jun?" The younger gave him questioning look. 

"Hahaha..not that's. What I mean is, you really amaze me, " Kim Junmyeon tried to give his reasonable answer, hoping that the younger would understand. 

"I take it as a compliment. By the way, I'm not interested in flat chest, Sorry Jun." Kim Jongdae replied non chalantly

Kim Jongdae's answer caught Kim Junmyeon off guard. Kim. Jongdae was as straight as a ruler, probably more straight? He seemed didn't get affected at all by his beauty. 

*

2006.

 

"Dae-shi, may I stay at your house for tonight?" A fifteen years old Kim Junmyeon was outside the house in front of the door. It was rainy outside with thunderstorms. His body trembling all over, both from coldness and unbearable shooting pain. 

"Sure, Jun-hyung. Hurry up, come to my room, " Kim Jongdae warmly greeted the elder despite his overwhelming panick to see his dearest friend situation. He immediately accompanied the smaller boy to his room. 

"Owh my gosh, you look horrible hyung. What happened to you?" Kim Jongdae expressed his concern and at the same time gestured Kim Junmyeon to sit on his bed. Kim Junmyeon sat down without answering, still feeling traumatized with what had happened to him earlier at his own house. All that could be heard was his sobing mess. 

 

"Here are some clothes, towel and blanket. You should have some hot shower otherwise you'll get sick."

Kim Junmyeon weakly nodded, following the younger's advice. He tried to calm himself while having a hot shower. 

"Mind to share something with me, Jun-hyung?" Kim Jongdae softly asked once Kim Junmyeon completely dress. "I'm your best friend after all. I'll take care of you." The younger handed the elder a cup of hot coffee. 

"Promise me that you'll keep it as a secret.."

"Yes, I promise.."

"Dae-shi, it's hurt," his voice trembling in uncertainty. 

"Where?"

"Down here.." Kim Junmyeon slowly gestured toward his private part. 

"May I have a look?"

Kim Junmyeon slowly nodded to give the younger his permission. 

The younger's eyes wide opened of disbelief when he saw the revelation in front of him. There was several abuse bruises at his inner thighs. Those were not serious compared to blood oozing came from his private part. 

What kind of animal did that to his dearest friend?

"It's horrible Jun-hyung. Tell me who did this to you?"

Kim Junmyeon gulped hard. "My..my..step father.." his voice stuttered. 

"That bastard.."Kim Jongdae clench his fist. "I know it. There is nothing good in him."

"Don't tell anyone."

"But hyung, this is serious. He might get you next time."

"It's okay. I'm promise that there is no another next time for him.." Kim Junmyeon tried to reassured the younger. 

"At least, the cut should be properly treated. It might get infected," the younger gave his wise advice. 

Kim Junmyeon nodded for umpteenth times, trusting the younger with all his will. 

 

 

When Kim Junmyeon was eight years old, his biological father passed away in a tragic road traffic accident. Three years later, her mother, Jan Ri got married again with a widow, Siwon, whom from his previous marriage also blessed with a boy child, name Luhan. Luhan's mother is a chinese, making him half chinese, half korean. 

Kim Junmyeon and Luhan used to be close before that black tragedy. In fact, Luhan, Kim Jongdae and him were always been together. But after being raped by his own stepfather, Kim Junmyeon decided to distant himself from Luhan. 

Despite his determination he would not get touch again by his lustful stepfather, Siwon managed to get him another two times. During his third times, he got caught by his wife, Jan Ri. 

The couple separated shortly after that. Kim Junmyeon was unsure whether it was a bliss or not because his relationship with his mother was never in a good term after she knew the truth. Jan Ri never care or bother enough about him. 

Kim Junmyeon and Kim Jongdae decided to further their study at boarding school at the age of sixteen years old, around one year after the tragedy. 

Kim Junmyeon decided not to be in the same room as Kim Jongdae because he didn't want to be totally dependent on the younger. But, it seemed likes his life had been cursed since 'that black tragedy'. He encoutered the similar experience again during his middle school life. It felt likes a dejavu. This times, three of his seniors cornered and attacked him mercilessly. Kim Jongdae came into a rescue although much later, but only God know what had happened to Kim Junmyeon if he didn't appear at all. 

"It's okay now Jun-hyung. I got you. We have each other now." Kim Jongdae tightly hug his best friend, trying to comfort him who was in sobbing mess. "We should always be together, allright?"

Kim Junmyeon was still shaking because of fear but nonetheless weakly nodded to reply the younger. 

*

"Yah, earth to Kim Junmyeon. Jun..Jun-hyung, are you listening to me?" Kim Jongdae shook the elder at his shoulder, attempting to snap him out from his deep and long reverie. 

"Huh...?"

"You gonna late. Forget it what i've said earlier. Hwaiting, Kim Junhee.." the younger gave his last wish. 

"Thanks Dae-shi."

"I love you, Kim Junhee nonna.."

"I love you too.."


	3. Love Is Complicated

EXODUS CAFE

Kim Junmyeon read silently the displayed signboard. So, that was the name of the cafe. The letter was all written in capital with bold. 

He was standing in front of the Exodus Cafe, with mingled feeling of anxious, doubt and hesistancy. He looked at the time on his cellphone, it showed 7.30 in the morning. 

What if he get caught for crossdressing?

What if he screw up their bussiness?

What if he didn't suit at all to work at this place. 

It seemed that all of the confidence that he had just dissapeared in to nowhere once he stood in front of the intended place. Where was his confidence gone at the most crucial moment likes this? He really wanted to run away from the scene and dissolved into thin air. 

But, at the back of his mind, he knew, he needed this job the most. He was broken right now, and in need of job desperately. By what ever mean, he should get this job.

He took a deep breath as he placed his right hand gently right in front of his chest, trying to comfort his own racing heart beat.

You can do this Kim Junmyeon, hwaiting!!!

He slowly pushed the glass door and stepped in. The bell 's sound jiggled into his ear. He took a glimpse of the sorrounding view. Simple, neat, clean, young and fresh. Nothing extravagant or sophisticated. The first impression was immediately registered into his mind. 

He was greeted by a warm and cheerful smile. "Hello miss, good morning. May I help you?" 

Ah, he almost forgot that he is a lady right now. He should act likes the one, right? 

They immediately bowed to each other. 

"I come here for job vacancy, I heard..."Kim Junmyeon replied sheepishly, not very sure of what to say. But his eyes still able to scan the name written on her nametag. So, Yoona she is. 

Nevertherless, she immediately understand and cut him off, "Owh, come in.."She giggled a little bit with Kim Junmyeon's antic. She gestured him to walk further and showed the direction, until in front of one room, she abruptly stopped. 

"Wait here for a minute okay. I'll get you later." Yoona politely gestured him to sit down. Kim Junmyeon nodded and his eyes followed yoona, who then dissapeared behind a closed door. 

He didn't have to wait for long time. Around two minutes later, Yoona appeared again. " Miss, you may come in." Yoona gestured him to come in to the room, with left hand on door knob to open it for Kim Junmyeon to enter. 

 

 

 

Once he stepped in to the said room, his eyes met another very familiar pair of eyes of a young woman. She was sitting calmly at her table waiting for him to completely enter the room. Her hair was dusty blond, medium long, just nice at the shoulder level. She was very beautiful, with her sparkling doll pair of eyes. 

Very beautiful, Kim Junmyeon literally stunned the moment his eyes met that pair of black twinkling orb. He had been hypnotized. For the first time, he felt likes he fall in love at the first sight. Kim Junmyeon suddenly regretted his decision to do a crossdressing. He made a mental note to slap himself once he return home later. 

But that very doll eyes, a very rarety for just random person to have it. It kind remind of him of certain someone. 

Luhan!!!

His heart screamed out loud, but he still able to restrained himself from doing something strange or embarassing himself. 

Yes , Luhan. It had been a very long time since he last saw the mix blood. 

"Please sit down.."

But, Kim Junmyeon was so lost in his deep thought that he did not hear that woman's voice. He literally standstill just in front of the entry as if completely been frozen. 

"Miss Kim Junhee..." 

This time a little bit louder. 

But Kim Junmyeon still did not move a bit, as if he was a living mannequin. 

Knock! Knock! Knock! It took till the third knocking of the wooden table to make him out from frozen state. 

"Ah..I'm sorry.." Kim Junmyeon apologized sheepishly, realising it took a great effort from the blonde lady in front of him just to make him out from deep raverie. 

But, she softly giggled, did not mad a bit. Her little laughter sound melodic in Kim Junmyeon's ear. "Never mind. Have a seat.." she politely gestured a seat in front of her. 

"Thank you.." he managed to say something before bowing politely. 

"So, your name is Kim Junhee right?"

"Yes.." 

"My name is Hanna, the owner of this cafe. Nice to meet you." This cheerful young lady in front of him strecthed her right hand, offering for hand shake. Kim Junmyeon returned the hand shake. "So , what shoul I call you, Miss Kim Junhee?" She asked once they held each other hand. Kim Junmyeon could perceived the overwhelming warmness that enveloped his cold, shaking hand.

"Just Junhee. I'm okay with that.."

"So, how old are you?"

"I'm 25 years old.."

"Owh, that's mean I'm one year older than you." The young lady who introduced herself as Hanna, beamed widely. "Still study?"

"Yes..a final year student in accounting at Yosei University."

The job interview felt more likes casual conversation of getting to know each other, if Kim Junmyeon would describe it. Although, it more toward Hanna wanting to know more about him. Probably because they were almost at the same age, or probably because of concept itself. Lack of formality made Kim Junmyeon easily felt comfortable. 

He had been introduced to other staffs. This cafe already hired six people, four women and two men. Surprisingly, all of them were good looking. 

"Hello, good morning. My name is Kim Junhee. Please take care of me.."

"Hi! I'm Yoona.."

"Seulgi"

"Jessica"

"Kristal.."

One by one introduced themselves. When it came for male staffs to introduce themselves, Kim Junhee suddenly felt likes a girl who fangirling their k pop idol. For unknown reason, his cheeck felt warm, he thought if he was able to look at himself in the mirror, it probably turned into tinted pink. 

"My name is Park Chanyeol, just call me Channie.."

"And i'm Kim Taehyung. Call me Tae."

From his short observation, he thought Kim Taehyung was the youngest or the maknae out of them. And probably more mischievous and naughtier than Kim Jondae. Even with Kim Jongdae, he felt his hands full. 

"Wow..Unnie is so beautiful..." the youngest boldly tinted his chin up to have a better look. Without any inhibition, Kim Taehyung caress his cheecks, with his sharp piercing gaze seemed admire the masterpiece. Although, he should be more than aware that there was other people as well looking at them. 

Kim Junmyeon suddenly felt goosebump with the contact. He didn't expect the youngest to touch him that way in his very first day. May be, just may be, he felt insecure because Kim Taehyung's aura was so overwhelming that he thought the younger could see through him. Yes, indeed his sharp piercing gaze far more formidable than any blade that exist in this world. 

"Tae-shi, please behave. Junhee is still new here," Hanna interject, firmly reminded the youngest of them. 

"But, Hanna unni, Junhee unni is so pretty," Kim Taehyung pouted. Rather than overwhelming, he look cute. Kim Junmyeon stunned by sudden changed of demeanour. 

"Don't do this or else next time I'll cut salary. "

"Junhee unni, I am sorry..please forgive me.." Kim Taehyung politely bowed. 

Wow, Kim Junmyeon became speechless. He didn't know what to reply to the younger. 

"Junhee Unni?" 

"It's okay.." he flashed his widest smile, a fake one. No, he was not okay, okay!!.He still feel the after effect of heart attack. He thought he was going to pass out because of irregular beating of heart. After all, how can anyone survive if the one who touched your face was someone as handsome as Kim Taehyung?

"Okay, others can go back to work.." Hanna wrapped the small gathering, and clapped her hands. "Just leave me alone with Junhee."

The staffs instantaneously left the office upon hearing the order from their boss. Hanna took this opportunity to approach Kim Junmyeon. "It's okay, you'll do just fine. Tae-shi is indeed likes that, he is a wicked kid, but believe me, he has a kind heart. He may appear a little bit rude, but he do not mean any harm. He only act likes that because he likes you."Hanna tried to explain to the younger. "It's safe here. You'll likes it in no time. I'll promise," she reassured. "Just be yourself," Hanna gave her words, her warm eyes were all looking deeply at Kim Junmyeon. There was subtleness in that eyes that he somehow unable to point out the hidden meaning. Perhaps, he might just overthinking, he wanted to reassured himself. 

Kim Junmyeon did not voice out anything, buy just eagerly nodded. He really wanted to trust every single word that came from his boss. 

 

 

 

 

Kim Junmyeon should be more grateful. It had been two weeks since he started working at Exodus Cafe. So far so good, but to describe his part time with that remark was indeed an understatement. So far, no body know his true identity, he got the job right, it suit him well, and furthermore, his coworkers and boss were all nice to him. What more he should ask for?

He felt more comfortable mingling with female staffs, afterall he disguised himself as female right? So he thought he only did the right thing to do. The most amusing part was, all of female staffs were overprotective on him. They would scold Park Chanyeol and Kim Taehyung if they tried to bother him. 

He felt safe and secured here. The owner, Hanna always be there for him if anything happened. She never get mad at him even when he did mistakes. 

He really love this place. It seemed that everything that had been said by his boss was true afterall. The feeling of being at his own home, as if this place was specially created for him. 

 

 

"Hey..Jun-hyung, how's your work? Is everything okay?" Kim Jongdae asked concernedly one day.

"More than good. Thanks for recommending this job at the very first place Dae-shi. But..." he suddenly stopped, wavering whether to continue or not with what he was going to say. There was unsettle issue in his heart. 

"But..?" The younger knitted his eyebrows. His tone tried to prompt Kim Junmyeon to answer more. 

"Ah, forget it Dae-shi..it is complicated anyway.." Kim Junmyeon groaned internally. 

"Life never been easy anyway..that's why you have me. Who am I to you? Am I not your friend any longer?"

"That's not it," Kim Junmyeon retaliated, his voice almost muffled. Of course not. If anything, he really wanted to make Kim Jongdae to be the first person to know. 

"Then, what it is all about? Just tell me. You got nothing to hide," the younger persuaded the elder. 

Kim Junmyeon inhaled a very deep breath, as if his next words carried tones of weight. "Well, the thing is, I really like the owner of the cafe. I mean, I really likes her a lot..." Ah, he screw up even in front of Kim Jongdae. His words didn't even justify his own feeling. 

"So, you want to say you fall in love with her?" The younger questioned back, but there was a firm remark to refine the answer. 

"You might right as well.."He answered sheepishly. 

"Hahaha..You're always likes that. You should be confident with yourself, hyung."

"How could I? This is so wrong. She know me as a girl. You know what I mean right?"

"You mean to say girl love girl is wrong?"

"But I am man afterall.."

"Just answer me, hyung..don't ever change the topic.."

"I.."Kim Junmyeon stumbled in his words, uncertain of what he wanted to say next.."You are not wrong in that.."he finally admitted.

"Love can come in different size, shape and colour, Jun-hyung. Love can be anything. Love never been wrong. There is nothing wrong in love." The only wrong thing is lust. 

"Do you read that somewhere?" 

"I guess I don't have to. I am writing thousand of masterpieces. Those are nothing compare to my writing."

"Thousand of masterpieces huh?" He scoffed a little bit. 

"Hahaha..what ever.."the younger shrugged his shoulder. 

"But, the most important thing is to be truthful with your own heart. Nobody know your own heart, what deep inside other than you, yourself, Jun-hyung. "

"That's easier said than done.."the elder pessimisted. "Ahhh, i'm screw up. Why you didn't tell me earlier that Hanna is beautiful.."

"Who ask you to disguise yourself as a woman earlier?" The younger sneered. 

"You're not helping at all Dae-shi.."Kim Junmyeon whined.

"Liking someone bcause of appearance is so wrong. That is lust."

"I'm just joking okay. She is just beautiful..she has a beautiful heart. She make me feel warm inside."

"Wow hyung, that's my man!!" The younger patted his shoulder lightly. " But, who knows...luck may be on you. What if, she also loves another girl?" If he was not mistaken, he thought Kim Jongdae gave him a meaningful look, but he was unsure the reason behind it. 

 

 

 

Time surely flies so fast. It had been two months already since he started working at Exodus cafe, but he just felt likes yesterday. Despite his closeness with Hanna, he still didn't have a gut for confession. 

It felt likes there was an invisible barrier that prevent him from approaching his boss more than superior-subordinate relationship.

The inside feeling remain unspoken. The very three magical words..I LOVE YOU. 

It's just three words, and seem very simple, but the weight it carry undeniably heavy. Those words are not cheap to be uttered. They will change everything. 

And, he still not ready yet to reveal his true identity. He didn't deserve to be with someone who was so nice to him when he even unble to be truthful to himself. He didn't want to be jerk. 

The bitter truth hit him hard. 

It was just another happy day working in this cafe and he felt grateful likes he always did. Every day was a blessing since he started working at Exodus Cafe. He no longer working here just because of salary, but there was something more than that. 

The happines that he always dreamed of. 

The happiness just to have a sight of his beloved one. To see her sun shine smile. To see her deer likes eyes. 

The happiness was real. 

The love was real. 

He was smiling likes a mad man, sinking deep in his own thought. His hands worked agilely in the sinky, washed the dishes, removing all the dirt and rinsing them. He didn't mind looking likes an idiot. He was all alone after all in the kitchen as there was not so many plates left. 

The thought of being alone didn't alert him with the another pair of watchful eyes. 

He only aware that he was not alone when he felt another pair of hands grabbed his slim waist from the back. He stucked, motionles for a while, trying to process what the real deal was really happening. 

Puff of hot air could be felt through his nape. It send shivers all over his body and alarmed him. 

It was dangerous. 

He gathered a strength to turn to his back and his eyes widened when they met the other's pair of eyes. 

It was Kim Taehyung afterall. 

He wanted to say something, but the younger was quicker than him. 

Shhhh!!! He gestured it by gently placing his index finger in front of his own lip. 

The younger smile widely and looked at him adorably. Then his hands reached his nose. When he retrived back, there was sud that slightly encased his index finger. 

"Cute.." the younger commented. 

Kim Junmyeon just looked at the younger with disbelief. He didn't reply anything as he still not get over from the wave of shock that hit him hard. 

Kim Taehyung was unpredictable. His pair of eyes that looked into him adorably changed into darker shadowy one. 

"Just who you are, Kim Junhee?" Kim Taehung asked with his husky, low tone voice,just enough for Kim junmyeon to hear. 

"What do you mean?"

"Just answer me.."

"I .." His voice sound wavered. He felt likes to run away. He stepped backward slowly only to realise he was at the end of his dear life when his back hit against the wall. 

"Want to run away, huh.." Kim Taehyung smirked. He slowly approached the elder who had nowhere to go. 

"Tae-shi.." His heart cried. Just about when he turned around, tried to run, he felt strong hands grabbed his. It was a very swift, a moment later, he realised that he had been pinned to the wall by the younger. Their faces were very close to each other. He fought back to free himself but the younger was far stronger than him. 

"Just let me go...please.." The elder hopelessly plead. Kim Taehyung didn't say a word, but the grip became stronger than before. "Just what do you want from me?" Kim Junmyeon asked, although the answer was pretty obvious. 

"I want you.." his voice sound dangerous, Kim Junmyeon felt he could tear up in to two. He could not do anything when he felt his lip had been kissed hungrily by the younger. But, at least he gathered his own momentum to free his hands from the grip and pushed the younger at the chest although it seem did not give any effect. 

The kiss felt likes forever and it really suffocated him. He was out of breath. Just for how long the younger wanted to kiss him. He closed his eyes, really wanted to give up when suddenly he felt the body that was pressed against him was pulled out. 

"Snap this out Tae-shi.. What got into your head?..Are you nut?"

It was Hanna's voice, he could clearly hear. Hanna was intimidatingly stronger than Kim Taehyumg. He was caught off guard. 

Pang!!! His ears caught another sound almost instantaneously. He slowly opened his eyes, he was stunning with the scent before him. 

Kim Taehyung was holding his left cheek, his face looked in pain. Hanna was holding her right hand by using her own left hand, looking down at them, seemed to regret her own brutality. 

The atmosphere suddenly become silent. He coul only felt the tense air. 

"I'm sorry...I didn't mean it that way.."She said to the youngest, breaking the silence. She fondly caress the bruised cheeck, lightly blow it in an attempt to sooth the pain. To Kim Junmyeon, it appeared to him more likes sister with her brat little brother love. 

"Please don't..it's totally my fault. I'm the one who should be sorry here.."Kim Taehyung muttered.

"This is totally unacceptable. There is no salary for you for this month. You deserve this at least."

"I know. You're so kind hearted Hanna unni."

Hanna then turned to him who still standing in awe. "Are you okay, Junhee?" She asked concernly. 

"Erm..I .." Kim Junmyeon stumbled. "Thanks Hanna for saving me."

"Anytime. I'm sorry Junhee, I've failed to protect you when I've promised this place is going to be the safest place for you." She looked miserably frowned. 

There was feeble hint in that sentence, but he failed to notice the meaning behind it, how precious he was to Hanna. He mean something to her, but he never realize it. 

"You look worn out. Please have a good rest Junhee."

"I'm okay." Kim Junmyeon retaliated. 

But, he knew very well, he had been pushed to the edge. He grew tired already to hide his own identity and to hold his own feeling. He just let the overwhelming emotion to overtook his own rationale thinking. 

Just let it be. 

"About who am I you did ask me earlier.." He directed his eyes to meet Kim Taehyung, with his right hand grabbed his own head. "My name is Kim Junmyeon." At the same time, he pulled out the wig that he worn, revealing his original short black hair. He changed his tone at the same time. "I am a man who find himself hopelessly fall in love with the owner of this cafe." His gaze then directed to Hanna. "Although I know I don't stand a chance."

Hanna just looked at him with jaw dropped. He didn't know whether it was because of his revelation of his true identity or because of his sudden love confession. But, he wanted to believed it was both. 

Kim Taehyung just smirked, as if to say he knew it all along and at least expert this to happen. "I know."


	4. The weight Of Confession

"I know, " so the youngest softly voiced out, Kim Junmyeon thought he could see a small smirk was plastered on his face. 

Kim Taehyung slowly approached and offering for handshake. Kim Junmyeon just looked down at the spreaded arm, hesitate a bit, as he tried to figure out what was inside the youngest's head. Nevertheless, he returned the shake, despite it required quite some time from his side. 

"I'm sorry Junmyeon hyung...or what should I call you?" Kim Teahyung asked politely. 

It sound genuine enough in his ear. 

"Jun, I prefer to be called as Jun."

"So, Jun-hyung then." Kim Taehyung decided. He grinned adorably, looking all cute at once. "You're cute Jun-hyung, even as a man."

Wow, Kim Junmyeon was intimidated by the maknae's boldness. 

"I'm happy that finally Jun-hyung able to be truthtful. It hurt me to see hyung trying hard to hide something from us."

So, this kid was really up to something. 

But...

Did he ever need to push that far?

Did he ever realise that he was too over the edge eventhough he had a good intention?

"Tae-shi, don't you think you're too much. I know you've a good intention, but you scared the living crab out of Jun, " Hanna expressed her thought. 

"I know. Sorry for being selfish for a while. I'm just being myself. At least i'm confident enough this would work out somehow in one way or another." 

Kim Junmyeon blinked several times upon hearing the youngest's reasoning. There was no way it can be acceptable in normal circumstances, but the maknae' s words made the impossible thing sound possible. 

"You're sure good at words, Tae-shi, but you didn't have to pull out that stunt.." Hanna wailed. 

"I'll do everything it takes. That's my way of life." Kim Taehyung replied without second thought. 

"Probably, you should be honest too, Hanna Unni." The maknae said with that dangerous low tone voice. But, Kim Junmyeon still able to hear, word by word. His mind tried to digest the subtle meaning behind the remark made by the youngest. 

If he got it right, he could say that Hanna was hiding something from him. 

But Hanna remain silent. She only replied back with her sharp piercing gaze as if to instruct the maknae to shut himself up. 

The bitter truth probably was thunderstorm that mercilessly struct her heart, as he noticed how her immaculate composure changed into furious, although in the form of silence. 

"You're the one who left here. I love you forever, Hanna Unni. You're my favourite. "

With that final words, Kim Taehyung left them alone. Hanna just stood there, dumbfounded by the whole situation. She tried to hold he tears as she clentched her own knuckle and bit her own lip, the very tell tale sign of heartache. 

Indeed, truth is too much hurtful. 

 

 

 

 

The next day was a new day for him. He came as a new person. He came as a real Kim Junmyeon, no longer hiding behind the shadow of kim Junhee. 

"Omo, look likes we have a new worker here," Kristal told the other female staff. 

"I think you kinda remind me of Kim Junhee. You look very identical to each other..."Seulgi seemed wondering a bit before continuing. "Ah, wait you're her twin brother right? Must be that way." She giggled softly. 

"Erm, my name is Kim Junmyeon. Actually, Kim Junhee and kim junmyeon are the same person. And I don't have any sibling." He clearly explained. 

"Woah, we didn't even notice that you're a man back then may be because of your small body. Really you're prettier than all of us."

Kim Junmyeon felt flustered. Even beautiful girls likes them thought he was prettier than themselves. He was unsure whether he should be proud of himself or not. 

"Hahaha, what you're talking about . All of you are really beautiful, " kim Junmyeon tried to hide his embarrassment. 

"Even as a man, you're so beautiful," the praised came from Jessica this time. 

Kim Junmyeon felt more than grateful that all of the girl can accept him for who he was. They didn't freak out even a bit or throw that kind of disdain look. 

"Hey guys. Guess who we have here?" Kristal excitedly waving at the Park Chanyeol and Kim Taehyung.

The duo joined their table talk. There was no customer at this moment, a very rare situation actually. Kim Taehyung sat besides Kim Junmyeon while Park Chanyeol facing him. 

"Junhee unni?" The Happy Virus asked back. "Woah, even in short hair cut, you look stunning.." he enthusiastically added.

"His name is Kim Junmyeon, just call him Jun-hyung.." Kim Taehyung corrected the giant. His hands spreaded along Kim Junmyeon shoulder as he draw himself even closer to the elder. 

Park Chanyeol's eyes went even wider, it seemed can prop out from the socket any time sooner. But, Kim Junmyeon already expected this kind of reaction. He just politely nodded to confirm the maknae's remark earlier. 

"Jun-hyung? His tone kind of questioning about something." Jun is cute. Cute name for cute person.."Park Chanyeol widely smiled at him. "Do you have any girlfriend? If not, my offer still available.."

Kim Junmyeon knew Park chanyeol was joking, but still it made his heart rentlessly flinched unconfortably.

"I'm interested with someone. I already confessed to her but I'm still waiting for her answer." He admitted with gloomy voice.

"It's okay Jun -hyung." Kim Taehyung lightly rubbed his back. 

"Hwaiting Jun-hyung." All of them cheered him up almost in unison.

 

 

 

 

Second turn to minute, then turn to hour, then turn to day, turn to week, turn to month. Nothing had happened. Still no reply. 

At thid point, Kim Junmyeon already reached his limit. He made his mind up to give in. There was no way Hanna would love him back. He was about to write resignation letter despite the fate that he loved his current workplace. 

He was talking to krystal, when he spotted some customers leaving a table, so he excused himself to collect the dirty plates and cups. 

After he loaded his tray with the dirty chinaware and wiped the table clean, he took the tray and headed toward the kitchen. One moment he was still walking, the next moment he was about to fall, but some pair of large hands securely hold him by his narrow waist. "Careful, careful hyung.." he heard some raspy voice murmured straight to his ear . He caught a glance of helping hands. 

It was Park Chanyeol after all. 

Nevertheless, they unable to save the utensil as the chinaware dropped straight to the floor. He already passed the critical moment, but the giant still held him as if he was the most precious thing in this world. Kim Junmyeon thought it was longer than necessary. 

"Auw, you guys look so cute together, " Kristal chuckled likes a fandom. 

"Omo, you're so right kristal. How come we didn't even notice this before?" Seulgi commented. 

Kim Junmyeon felt mortify by their antic. They didn't bother to offer any help but instead, giving unnecessary comments. He just looked down at the floor, noticing the mess he had done. 

"It's okay, hyung. We can buy the new sets. The most important thing is your safety. Hyung, you're irreplaceable, for us, and most importantly for someone." The giant comforted him. He was naturally good at that. Kind of different from the maknae who has could cause any sort of fatality. 

"Owh my god. What we are doing here? We should help them out, " Seulgi hammered at their own behaviour. "We are sorry oppa, because just now, we were overwhelmed by the cuteness." Seulgi clumsily apologized. At the same time, all other female staffs moved to the scent. He was annoyed at first but later he felt it was rather endearing. He found himself never able to be fully mad at them. 

"But Jun-hyung and Chanyeol-shi looked so cute together as a couple, " Jessica who clean the mess up still wanting to reason out. 

"Kim Junmyeon is mine."

Soft, but at the same time loud and clear. That voice came all the way from behind them. 

The entry sound so dramatic indeed.Every one turned around but no body dare to say anything. Afterall, the possessive voice belong to was none other than their lady boss. 

"Kim Junmyeon is mine, " Hanna re-emphasized, with her foreram securely wrapped around his arm. 

"Woah, Hanna Unni, we don't know you're that possessive. But, don't worry too much, nobody would ever dare to take him away from you." Jessica teased. 

Kim Junmyeon blinked his eyes several times as he still confused with the current situation. 

Is that a real love confession? 

Or just a claim of possession?

He wanted to got it right and did not want any misunderstanding to happen later on. 

Hanna seemed to read his mind though. 

"If you still confuse , it was a 'yes' back then, and it's still a 'yes' now. I love you, Jun." Hanna finally opened her heart up.

Myriad of emotion flooded in Kim Junmyeon as he lock his eyes with the other pair of doll orb. The eyes still sparkling beautiful, but they shone hope. There was a sound of cat calling but none of them gave a damn as the feeling of sureal enveloped both of them. 

 

 

 

Kim Junmyeon and Hanna finally became an official couple. Their relationship was well approved by all staffs worked at Exodus. 

A couple should do a couple thing right? In this couple of months, to be exact, 4 months, they had dated several times already. They hold each other's hands likes a normal couple would do when they were walking around the city. They watched several movies together, poking at each other's popcorn. They also even spent some time together for simple picnic at the small park, just enjoying each other's presence.

But whenever he asked for romantic moment, Hanna just turned away, looking all flinched and insecured. 

"I'm sorry Jun. But i'm not ready yet.."

He heard that several times and kind of typical answer. 

It was just for a kiss and it should not be anything. But yet Hanna freak out likes hell, the overeaction was real. 

May be, just may be because of her innocent look, masking his better judgement of demanding better explaination. 

For Kim Junmyeon, Hanna was too precious. He really wanted to handle her with so much care and tenderness. 

That kind of trivial thing can wait. Yes, he should wait patiently for Hanna till she was all ready. 

-

Kim Junmyeon was deep in his own thought when somebody called him out. Hanna rarely called her staff to meet het unless something urgent. He suddenly felt rush of nervousness as he knocked the entry door. 

"Come in.."

It was not Hanna's voice, but still melting soft in Kim Junmyeon's ears. To say it was totally not Hanna's was also wrong. It still got some of her vibe in it, but more toward man's kind of voice. 

He entered the room, felt totally relieved by the sight in front of him - still the same person, the lady boss, Hanna. 

"I love you even before you stepped in to work in this cafe.." 

Word by word passed his auditory canal, but he found it was a real struggle to figure the real meaning behind those passing words. His mind was all haze. 

"I love you since the first time we had met each other around 14 years ago, " the owner rephrase the words. 

Sudden surge of realization sparked to him likes a lightbulb. He felt likes his legs was impending to give away anytime sooner.

So the real person who was sitting in front of him right now is...

"You're free to make your own decision after hearing me out. I love you Jun, more than anything. I'll give you my all. I've created this place just for you. So, please continue working here.." he pleaded. 

"So you're.." Kim Junmyeon found himself unable to say that name for some reason. 

" Yes, my real name is Luhan. Xi Luhan." The owner of the cafe gently removed the wig and glasses. Luhan had a short, brunette hair. 

Kim Junmyeon felt an emotional outburst of wanting to run away from the truth. There was no way he could face it right now. The thing he despise the most- fall in love with the same gender happened straight in front of his face. 

But he held dearly to his own life principle. He can not be a jerk after his own love confession. He was the one who initiated it. Now, he should be responsible for his own words. Although, there was a mistake in it, in which he didn't know the whole truth.

"The person whom I'm in love is Hanna. Not you, Luhan." Kim Junmyeon mumbled as his voice felt constricted. 

"But i'm Hanna and Hanna is me."

"You're just day dream Luhan. Please stop it before you hurt yourself." Kim Junmyeon stammered.

"I'm sorry for not being truthful enough, no I mean I've lied to you all this while. But the moment we've spend together is real, my feeling for you is real, there is no lie in between. I love you then, I love you now. I love you in your Junhee form, and I love you in your Junmyeon form." Luhan was panting heavily as he expressed his own heart feeling. 

The words was a total bittersweet. Kim Junmyeon's heart trembling, felt all touched by the sincerity of love confession coming deep inside Luhan. 

"I love you for who you are..." Luhan finally muttered. 

And Kim Junmyeon loved Luhan too, but he wanted to deny every litle bit of it's existence in his heart. 

"Snap this out Luhan. You even didn't make any sense. You're cheating yourself. You're cheating both of us." Kim Junmyeon emotionally outrage as he stomped out from the room, leaving behind who was still dumbfounded. 

 

 

Kim Junmyeon sank himself down on the bed room once he returned home. The loud thud sound was produced as he lied horizontally against the soft mattress, with all of his four limbs sprawled out. Literally, his mind and body felt burdened with what had happened earlier during the day. 

His eyes fixated at the ceiling absent mindedly. Nothing in his mind. No he did not want to think of anything. 

"Hey, what's up Jun hyung,?You look miserable today." Kim Jongdae asked concernly. 

"Yeah. I am. I fuck up today, Dae-shi." Kim Junmyeon groaned. "So, that's girl is actually a guy. So I actually fall in love with a guy. " he mumbled sheepishly. 

Kim Jongdae rose his trademark eyebrows. "So, is there any problem with that?" 

"What do you mean by that question? Of course there is a problem. You don't even have to ask." 

"But he is still the same person right? Did something really changed about him after he over with his crossdressing stuff? Nothing right,?" He asked the elder. 

"Yeah..".

"May be he had a fair amount of mistake, he should be honest to you earlier, but at this moment, I think it's the best for you if you able to reflect your own self." Kim Jongdae advised. 

"But, I can't love him, " Kim Junmyeon weakly replied. 

"What do you mean by you can't?"

"I can't love the other guy.....I just can't." His heart throbbed in pain as he felt the tears already started to well up his eyes. "You know my dark history back then, i'm still traumatized. The feeling of being touched by the other man for their lust is still haunting me down, Dae-shi." At this moment, he no longer able to hold up his tears. He was in total sobbing mess as his shoulder shuddered mercilessly. 

Kim Jongdae wiped off the tears that hailed down his cheeks. The younger looked deep inside his eyes, before bringing him to his own for a comforting hug. "There's a hope in everything, Jun-hyung," the younger softly said before gently patting the elder's back. "It's okay. Everything gonna be fine. Don't think too much about it right now. Just give yourself time, okay?"

There's a hope in everything. 

There's a hope for tomorrow. 

A hope of his dream finally to become true. 

 

 

 

 

It had been two weeks, Kim Junmyeon and Luhan rarely talked to each other unless it was necessary. 

"I love you back then.."

Kim Junmyeon was in library, trying to focuse with his reading but Luhan's voice kept echoing into his mind. 

So, Luhan fell for him the very first they had met each other?

How did that even make sense?

They were still child back then. 

Even then, never he realise anything in Luhan that could strongly related or hinted towards love. 

Was him too oblivious? 

Was it because of their sort of brotherhood relationship had blinded him from seeing what's other's truely felt. 

Yes, Luhan was gentle, soft to him. It was also true that Luhan took care of him very well too. 

Besides Kim Jongdae, Luhan was always be there for him. 

Luhan would be backhugging him when he was about to cry. 

Luhan would be ready to starve himself just to ensure he feel full first. 

Luhan would be ready to sacrifice his sleep in order to wake early to prepare their breakfast before going to school. 

Luhan would piggyback him when he fell asleep on the couch to bring him to his own bed. 

Luhan who would be nursing him to health, making and feeding him with poridge, whenever he got sick. 

Luhan !!

Luhan was everything. 

Luhan was so selfless that it hurt. Kim Junmyeon felt too much hurt with the kindness. Luhan..the one who would put everyone first before himself. 

What was there in Luhan not to love?

Yes everything about Luhan was love. 

Luhan didn't deserve any hate. 

And Luhan, the one who would reach out for him first. 

"My name is xi Luhan, call me Lu-ge, "

Luhan introduced himself during their first time meeting each other at their parent's family gathering. The elder reached for his shy, timid hands and warmly squeezed them. The cheerful voice of Luhan stucked at his ear drum likes forever. 

"Call me Lu-ge, huh, " Kim Junmyeon muttered to himself. His lip curled a little. 

The surge of realization came to Kim Junmyeon - Luhan was important to him. He reached his cell phone and type someting on it. 

 

To: Hanna 

I know that I sound likes i'm full of myself. But I think I would like to give a chance to myself to love you, Lu-ge. 

 

He eyed his phone, and specifically the name appeared at contact number. Afterall, It was a good time to change to the new one. Lu Ge, yes he decided to keep it as Lu Ge.

 

 

 

 

"Lu-ge.." Kim Junmyeon called the elder. For some reason, it did feel weird that the pet name slipped off from his own lip, but he ignored his own thought. 

Luhan spontaneously turned to him almost giving that kind of incredulous look, but somehow fondly looked at him when their eyes met each other. 

"Lu..lu..lu-ge," he stumbled, feeling almost chocking himself. His tongue felt likes rigid board. Kim Junmyeon did not use that pet name for quite some times. Well it was actually quite forever. He knew he was going to embarrass himself trying to act all cute and timid in front of the elder.He, the one who naturally cute, without even trying but his conscious mind of trying to act cute made himself stiff awkwardly. 

Luhan rose his eyebrows, giving a sign of puzzled face. But a moment later the doe eye man giggled softly. 

"Yes?" The elder tenderly asked him when he finished with his little laugh. 

"Ermmm...." Kim Junmyeon played with his own fingers. "Can I ask you something, Lu-ge?"

"What it is?"

"Erm, Lu-ge, can you show me how do you draw milk shape in a coffee?" Kim Junmyeon timidly asked, standing a little bit far away from the elder. 

For a while the ambience went into cold silent as Luhan did not answer him. But Luhan appeared almost ran just to get to his place and grabbed his wrist firmly. 

"Come here, I'll show you."

Kim Junmyeon just looked at their connected hands, as his body was being tugged along by the elder. His heart felt so much thrilled.

Luhan, who would always reached out for him first. 

Luhan, whose hands always held his firmly. 

Luhan, he was the one who always loved him without any single hesitation.

Because after all, the man in front of him, right here, right now is Lu-ge, my Lu-ge. 

_

Kim Junmyeon looked on in amusement as Luhan whipped up a latte. "Now, watch closely Jun. This is how I work my magic."

Luhan took a silver pitcher of milk and poured it over the coffee. Wiggling it from side to side and finishing with a quick zip down the middle, creating a perfect heart shape.

"This is my heart shape for you, " the elder said. "Now, you try."

"But.."

"It's easy, you just watched me do it."

Kim Junmyeon wavered, but Luhan looked deep into his eyes, giving him an encouraging look. The elder set the new latte and pushed the milk pitcher to him. "It's okay if you made a mess." He ensured. 

Kim Junmyeon slowly lifted the pitcher, but his right hand was awfully trembling. He was pretty sure he looked likes an idiot. The pitcher was about to slip off from his grip, but...

Luhan's hand strongly held his hand from behind. "I'm here," the elder whispered, as he rested his chin on Kim Junmyeon's shoulder.There was stillness, and everything seemed to be frozen except their beating heart. He could feel the elder's heart beat as Luhan's chest pressed to his back. 

"Jun, it's okay..I mean you don't need to force yourself to love me back." Luhan said as he guided the younger's hand to the same movement he had done earlier. Even in that difficulty, it still came out perfect. 

And so, that was the reason why the elder did not reply him last night – Luhan wanted to talk to him this way, heart to heart, eye to eye, so that there is nothing hidden in between. Well, Kim Junmyeon was an idiot himself- who would do the text messaging to discuss their heart related matter? Anyone who is sane enough would not.

Kim Junmyeon did not say anything. He had everything to say and nothing to say at the same time. That sort of feeling; He just let his own beating heart beat do the talk. He knew the elder could feel it too.

“You don’t have to do anything for me. I’m happy just by your mere existence, Jun, “ Luhan’s voice almost unheard, but for Kim Junmyeon every spoken word was clear in his ears. “We don’t have to be couple, but please stay here, with me….” Luhan still held the younger’s small hand , gently squeezing it a little, but Kim Junmyeon did not bother to retreat his hand back, just letting the elder enjoying it. They remained likes that for quite some time although they had completed the steamed- milk- art latte.

“I do love you, Lu-ge..” Kim Junmyeon finally muttered. “I do love you…” he repeated, almost unheard. “I do really want this to work out, I mean I want to give both of us a chance to love each other. Sorry for being a jerk earlier” 

Luhan released the younger’s small hand, turning him to face him. He looked deep into Kim Junmyeon eyes while placing his hands on to the younger’s shoulder. ” You don’t have to…”

“But…”

“But?”

“It doesn’t mean that I’ll stop being a jerk…So, please bear with me…It still hurt now, the pain doesn’t easily fade away...’ Kim Junmyeon trailed off his word.

“I do understand. I’m more than grateful that you want to give it a try, I could not ask for more than this. I’ll be your home, so that you’ll always feel warm and safe.”Luhan gently took his both hands, placing them in between their own space. “Always…”the doe eye man firmly assured.

“Why do you love me?”

“I have no particular answer for that…But, that’s my heart tell.”

Yes, indeed nothing in particular because the love is unconditional.

 

 

 

 

 

Kim Junmyeon and Luhan started to date back although secretly. Well, they did not have to tell, because the other staffs would probably understand just by seeing how they look at each other’s eyes.

Sometimes, Kim Junmyeon would invite Kim Jongdae to join them to hang out together. Luhan did not mind at all, because Kim Jongdae was also his dongsaeng, and helped him a lot to get back to Kim Junmyeon even though kind of underground.

Kim Junmyeon sometimes felt a little bit worried if Luhan did not like the idea of bringing the maknae together with them, but Luhan replied him something likes this – he also love to reminisce their childhood memories of being together as a trio. What an understanding boyfriend he was, Kim Junmyeon could not ask for more than this. His heart filled so full in love, being cramped in between his best friend and his lover. They gave him an undivided intention, pampered him to no end. When they had an opportunity, they would intertwine their hands together with Kim Junmyeon in the middle.

\--

It was a weekend and Kim Junmyeon spend his remaining time after his shift was over in Luhan’s apartment.

They just had a simple cuddle on the couch while watching a marathon of starwars movies. The couch was not that big, but because both of them were petite, with Luhan squeezed Kim Junmyeon’s small body to his, everything seemed to fit into the place.

“Jun, may I ask you something…”

“What it is?”

“Can I kiss you?” Luhan requested for permission. There was a mix of gentleness and fear in his voice.

Luhan, who always treated him with utmost tenderness. Luhan, who always gentle with him, it seemed to him that the elder almost afraid to hurt him.

Kim Junmyeon did not reply anything but just looked deep into the doe’s eyes, seeking for some meaning in that beautiful orb. There was no lust in that eyes, only filled with warmness and affection.

“But, it’s okay if you don’t want to..” Luhan muttered, there was sorrow in his voice.

“No..” Kim Junmyeon cupped Luhan’s face who was hovering him from above. “You may, Lu-ge., “ the younger finally gave the permission as he closed his own eyes. Luhan gave him almost everything in this world, so this the least he should give to the elder. After all, Luhan deserve this

Luhan slowly moved his face toward Kim Junmyeon. The younger could tell that Luhan was a little bit uncertain, as there trembling in that movement, but somehow the elder finally able to summon every last bit of courage to plant a kiss on top of his lip.

In the darkness, Kim Junmyeon allowed himself to be melted by the softness of the other’s lip. It started as simple, but later, he could felt Luhan’s tongue parted his lips for the entrance. As the elder deepened the kiss, the vivid image of something evil, the person who he feared the most came displayed in to his mind.

No..No..Stay away from me!!!! 

His heart screamed out loud. He broke the kiss and unknowingly roughly pushed Luhan away from him

Luhan just looked back at him with shock face.

“I’m sorry..I’m sorry..” Kim Junmyeon apologized in panick, almost chocked himself in between. He was surprised with himself, how could him do such brutal thing to the most gentle person in his entire life??

Kim Junmyeon felt so lost. He did not know what to do to make thing better.

Luhan did not say anything. He tried to get back the younger, wanting to hug him, but the younger hysterically slapped his arms from him.

Kim Junmyeon felt terrified with his own self, and with everything. What have he done to Luhan? Nothing come out better. Luhan did not deserve to be treated with such brutality.

And yet, he hurt Luhan’s feeling even more.

“I’m sorry..” he muttered again, feeling emotionally weak inside. “Just stay away from me…”

The feeling being tainted by Luhan’s father was likes a permanent stain in his heart, there was no way he could get rid of it. It would stay there forever, haunting down every inch of his soul. 

 

 

 

 

Another morning, another heartache ever since that night. Everyday seemed even more hurtful. His heart wield uncertainty whether or not to continue with this kind of relationship, because, he can’t keep on hurting Luhan’s feeling. He really wanted to give their relationship every single opportunity to blossom, even it was scarce. But his past nightmare seemed to take over everything from them, even their slice of happiness.

Kim Junmyeon really did love Luhan.

But, he struggled with his own internal conflict. The real struggle that caused him unintentionally hurt Luhan’s feeling.

Kim Junmyeon, the one who told Luhan to bear with him, but when the elder really held out with whatever hell he had to go through, he the one who freak out here.

No matter how much he says he was sorry for unintentionally being rough or harsh, the feeling of guilty burned him inside out, and Luhan’s patience and understanding only added fuel to the flame.

-

It was lazy Sunday. Kim Junmyeon asked the elder out. Perhaps, this would be probably their last date, he silently decided.

They silently walked on the side walk, touring around the park. Kim Junmyeon throw his gaze far away through the pond and Luhan could only look down the ground. The air felt too stiff and cold, as both of them too afraid to say anything. How sometimes feeling could be this complex and complicated? To say something is hurting. Not say anything is still heart- wrenching.

“Lu-ge, lets break up..” Kim Junmyeon finally broke the silence. He picked the small stone and throw it into the pond. There was a splash as the stone sank into the water.

“Look into my eyes when you say that…”

Kim Junmyeon found it was impossible to do that. How could he even do that when he was still deeply in love with that man?

He swallowed hard his own words. He felt afraid to meet the elder’s eyes.

“Luhan..” He stumbled, but Luhan firmly held his shoulder forcing the younger to face him. Kim Junmyeon felt vulnerable as he felt that the doe eyed man could possibly see through him. He kept his gaze on the ground, refusing to meet the other’s.

“Jun, look at me…”. Luhan gently said as he tilted Kim Junmyeon’s chin.

Kim Junmyeon’s vision already started to become haze, as the tears well up in his eyes. Thus, he immediately turned to the other side, attempting to hide his tears from the elder.

Luhan cupped the younger’s face, so, there was no way for Kim Junmyeon to avoid the elder’s eyes.

“Luhan, lets break up, for good..” Kim Junmyeon mustered remaining strength of his courage to look into the elder’s eyes. At this moment, he can no longer hold his emotional outburst, as his tears already flow into his cheeks.

“I want to be your home, Jun. You can do anything to me, you can punch me, hit me, push me, hate me …What ever it is as long as your heart feel relief, as long as it can take your pain away…” Luhan’s voice trailed off, trembling with uncertainty. His shaking hands swiped the tears away from the younger’s cheek. “But, if you really want that, I have no power to make you stay with me..” The elder continued. Yes, Luhan really love Kim Junmyeon so much that he would do anything to him, even to the extent to abandon his own feeling- he would grant him everything he could.

“You don’t have to love me back, Jun. It’s okay …But, please don’t go away from Exodus.”Luhan pleaded in writhing mess.

 

 

 

Despite of Luhan’s plead, Kim Junmyeon chose not to stay at Exodus.

He was walking away completely from Luhan’s life.

There was nothingness in his heart, and emptiness inside, but he felt it was much more better than to hurt one another.

\--

He had been messed up lately. He felt likes a body without soul- literally moving likes a robot, so purposeless.

He unable to concentrate on anything. He was so deep in his own thought when he bumped into someone, somewhere in between the class section and library. 

“Ouch…” the girl in front of him yelped. She kneeled down to collect the scattered books, files, papers that fell all over.

“I’m sorry..” Kim Junmyeon frantically apologized, as he helped the girls to gather her stuffs.

The girls seemed to be rushing, so at the very last book to be collected, Kim Junmyeon’s hands and that girl’s hand reached almost at the same time. Instead of grabbing the book, they found themselves holding each other’s hands.

So, is this kind of fate?

Both of them flustered with the situation. It was kind of awkward, but there was nice feeling at the same time. They shyly bowed to each other.

“It’s okay..”the girl in front of him assured. She was indeed a very beautiful girl.

“ Never seen you around before.” Kim Junmyeon who was almost fell into zombie this several weeks appeared alive again.

“Owh, I’m new here, and my name is Bae Joo-hyun. But just simply call me Irene.”

“My name is Kim Junmyeon. Just call me Jun.’

“Erm..thank you a lot for gathering this for me.” Irene held her belonging into her chest, looked afraid that they would fall again. She looked cute likes that.

“No, no need to thank me..that’s nothing..” Kim Junmyeon replied sheepishly.

“Owh, I’m late already..see you around.” Irene waved at him before disappeared into crowd of people.

Kim Junmyeon waved back at her, only to stop when he felt something vibrated in his pocket pants. He fished his cell phone out.

He peeked at the screen.

The message was from Kim Taehyung.

 

From Tae-shi

Hyung, we need to talk. I’ll wait for you at playground in front of your apartment at 9 tonight.

 

 

 

He arrived at the expected place at 9 o’clock sharp. To his surprised Kim Taehyung was not alone. The giant, Park Chanyeol was also with him.

It was still early, but the cold breeze kind of digging into his marrow.

“So, why do you want to meet me here?” Kim Junmyeon greeted them from behind, with uninterested tone.

“Because…”The maknae paused for a while before turning facing him. “I can’t wait to give you this!!!”

A punch landed on his right cheek. It was so strong, that Kim Junmyeon felt his face was split in to two.

Kim Junmyeon hissed as he parted his jaw to sooth the pain. But physical pain is nothing compared to emotional pain. How heart broken he was now. And how he hurt Luhan’s feeling.

Instead of retreating himself or feeling fear, he wanted more to ease his own guilty. He did not say anything but gave a dark look as if to confront the younger to give him more.

Kim Junmyeon shut his eyes tightly as he was expecting another punch from the youngest. He could felt the fist just mere inch from his left cheek before it suddenly stopped.

“Hey, Tae-shi, calm down..”

Kim Junmyeon slowly opened his eyes. He could see Park Chanyeol firmly grabbed Kim taehyung’s left wrist, preventing him from launching another punch to his face.

“Let go off me, yeolli-hyung,” Kim Taehyung yelled in his attempt to release his left wrist from the strong grip. “He deserves more than this.”

“This is not the way, Tae-shi.” The Giant tried to calm the furious maknae.

“You know what, I should ruin your beautiful face…”This time around, the youngest attacked Kim Junmyeon by words.

“Hey, stopped this or we walk away from here…” Park Chanyeol warned. “I know you’re mad, but talk nicely to Jun-hyung. We don’t know what they’ve been through.”

Kim Taehyung took a deep breath, trying to cool down “Okay, you wiin. You can release me now, Yeolli-hyung.”

Park Chanyeol hesitate for a while before releasing the youngest.

“Jun-hyung, we really need you back at Exodus. It has been awhile. It hurt me to see sick Luhan-hyung. He refuses to eat, refuse to rest, refuse to go outside. He lost a lot of weight. You don’t have to return his love. Just be there for him. He really miss you, a lot. Come back to Exodus, he really want to see you again.”

So, this kid came all the way just to invite him back. Kim junmyeon unseure of what to say next. There was frozen silent as Kim Junmyeon did not reply any single word.

“Long time, before you come to Exodus, I tried to scout Luhan-hyung, but he rejected me…”Kim Taehyung revealed something new to his knowledge. “Because he said that his heart tell it only belong to some one named Kim Junmyeon.” Kim Taehyung reached for his hand, and cupped it in between his own. “Jun-hyung, you’re lucky man, really. Luhan -hyung sacrificed himself just to be with you. He abandoned his own father, his family wealth and used up his own saving just to open Exodus Café for you. He told us that he wanted to provide a place where somebody that he love the most will feel warm and secure.”

Kim Junmyeon felt sudden pang in his heart. He didn’t deserve Luhan, but yet, this man still wanted him.

“Just tell me, what should I do in return?’”

“Just be yourself, Jun-hyung. Just be Kim Junmyeon who we adored the most” Park Chanyeol joined the conversation.

“Yes, just come back to Exodus.” Kim Taehyung persuaded,

“I don’t know. But may be something miracle will be happened tomorrow?” Kim Junmyeon tried to joke around.

“Yes…” both Park Chanyeol and Kim Taehyung cheered in unison.


	5. The Falling Leaf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N; The song ‘She’s Dreaming” keep on echoing in my head when I was writing this chapter.
> 
>  
> 
> So, this is how the chapter is all about
> 
> (Read this with Co-junction She’s Dreaming song, only then you’ll get the feeling the most.)
> 
> (Am I too much promoting Exo/s song??)
> 
>  
> 
> I think I mess up the violent part where by Junmyeon got harassed. I am no good at this kind of thing. Just skip that part if you don’t like it/ or if you think I am too much ( sorry in advance by the way)
> 
>  
> 
> And the very last part of this chapter sound so wrong, although I tried my best not to mean that way.

The next morning was a promise of miracle would be happened tomorrow. He had promised to the duo- Kim Taehyung and Park Chanyeol that he would come back working at Exodus Café.

“Lu-ge…” Kim Junmyeon softly called the owner of the café.

“Jun…” Luhan who was reading something in his office room widened his eyes, looking a little bit surprise. “Is it really you?” The elder rubbed his eyes, as if to confirm himself that he was not dreaming.

“Erm, yes, this is really Junmyeon here,” the younger softly replied. He felt awkward a little bit and unsure on how to continue the conversation. “How are you?” Kim Junmyeon rubbed his non-itchy head.

“I’m great…thanks for asking…”Luhan answered with a smile. The answer kind of paradox with his actual state. Luhan, who was always in slender side, becoming thinner than his usual size with the most obvious sunken cheek. His hair looked messy. Kim Junmyeon suspected the elder didn’t shave for quite some times, as there was thin beard grew up over his chin and lower check. “How’s you doing?” The elder never fail to show his concern.

“I’m doing fine…” 

“Welcome back to Exodus, Jun. “ Luhan hugged him warmly. “Thank you for coming back. I really miss you a lot”

I miss you too, a lot……

The unspoken words. Unlike Luhan, he always failed to show his affection.

“You do look different, Lu-ge…”

“Different??” Luhan rose his eyebrows. “ You mean to say I’m becoming ugly, don’t you?” Luhan teased.

Of course not, if anything, Kim Junmyeon’s heart still fluttered. Luhan did changed a lot in appearance- looking more matured, but he still looked flawlessly stunning in his own way.

The younger felt very much flustered, so he let the question hung just likes that.

“But, I’m still Luhan, Xi-Luhan. Regardless of my physical appearance…” Luhan reminded.

Indeed, the man in front of him right now was still the same Luhan, Xi- Luhan.

The same Luhan that Kim Junmyeon had known long time ago- warm likes a sunshine, and sweetheart, and kind heartened person, and soft, and gentleman and romantic and handsome and….

“Do I have something on my face?”

“Ahh, sorry…nothing..”

“Do you think I look more handsome since the last time you saw me?” The elder teased the younger sweetly, with subtle smirk on his handsome face.

Kim Junmyeon blushed, his cheek felt all hot because of added embarrassment. He couldn’t find it in himself to be even remotely annoyed with the elder. Nevertheless, he could not control his own body any longer as he gently punched the elder’s chest.

But Luhan also fast on his feast. He firmly held Kim Junmyeon’s wrists, as if didn’t want to let him go. “I am still the same Luhan. Xi- Luhan who hopelessly fall in love with you.” Luhan’s voice almost muffled. “But I give you freedom, because your happiness is my happiness.”

 

 

 

“May I get your order?” Kim Junmyeon asked cheerfully to the pair of girls.

“Hey, it’s you, Jun..” One of the girl who was backing him turned her face.

“Ah, it’s you Irene…” Kim Junmyeon greeted back sheepishly.

“This is our first time coming here, Jun," Irene giggled. “ Ah, before I forget,...Joy, this is my friend,

Kim Junmyeon, just call him Jun….and Jun, this is my friend, Park so-young, just call her Joy.” Irene introduced Kim Junmyeon and Joy to each other.

“Jun, do you have any suggestion?” Joy asked.

“Erm, blue- berry lemon is new, but surprisingly have become a hit in short period of time. Chocolate chip muffin is our signature, it is gold. You can choose the size as well- size, medium and giant one.” Kim Junmyeon explained in detailed.

“Okay Jun, we choose both, with giant size each, so that we can share the flavour…”

“Got it.” He immediately scrabbled the order down. “How about drink?”

“Caramel macchiato for me and cinnamon dolce for Joy,“ Irene made the order.

Kim Junmyeon politely bowed before excused himself to the counter, placing their order.

\--

“Hey, Jun ..that girl seem to have interest in you, “ Park Chanyeol hammered once Kim Junmyeon reached the counter.

‘Ha ha ha…what are you talking about?” Kim Junmyeon pretended not noticing.

“Don’t pretend to be a dumb here,” Kim Taehyung interjected.

“Which girl? We have so many female customers here…All are pretty.“ The smallest man attempted to sound silly. He might not be good in word at all time, but some times he could be all sweet in his word.

“The one with long black hair, white skin wearing white mini- dress.” Park Chanyeol answered while his hands worked the wonder of preparing the coffee. “Here we go, Jun hyung.” The giant placed two mugs filled with ordered coffee over the tray for the elder to take.

“Ah, that’s Irene, my friend and thanks chanyeol-shi.” Kim Junmyeon grinned.

“Are you sure just friend?” Kim Taehyung threw him an incredulous look.

 

But Kim Junmyeon ignored the question, and quickly escaped from answering by delivering Irene’s and Joy’s order.

\----

Later that night, only Kim Junmyeon and Luhan were still left behind. They were about to close the shop with Kim Junmyeon finalize the count in cash register.

“Hey, that girl is pretty…and you seem to pay special attention to her.”Luhan initiated the conversation.

“Which girl..” the younger pretended not to know.

“The one who was wearing white mini dress..”

“What you’re going to imply here, Lu-ge..” Kim Junmyeon stopped from what he was doing right now, to pay undivided attention to the elder.

“Get yourself some one to take care of you..I mean may be you should get yourself a girlfriend. She seem a very nice girl to me..”

“I myself is not that old, Lu-ge..I still can take care of myself”

“But, that girl seem interested in you. Why don’t both of you try to get to know each other better? Nothing harm in that…”

“Yeah..nothing harm in that, but somebody inevitably get hurt..”

“That’s how love work…hurt is inevitable in order to love and to be in love…”

 

In order to love and to be loved, your heart must be ready of getting hurt.

 

Kim Junmyeon was taken aback-Luhan was ready for everything, even to the extent of getting himself hurt at the end. If anything, he was the only who freaked out here, he was the only who hold up everything.

Kim Junmyeon unable to continue his counting as his fingers felt stiff, unable to tap the calculator.

“I’ll always cheer you up, no matter what is your decision. You can rely on me, your Lu-ge…” Luhan flashed his brightest smile, still unable to blind Kim Junmyeon from noticing a slight frown in that trademark smile.

Because only you’re my Lu-ge, my heart feel hurt whenever you cheer me up…with that brightest smile. 

It hurt…

Don’t pretend that you’re not. 

You know what is the most hurtful? 

When you’re pretending you’re not, when in reality your heart hurt. 

 

 

 

 

Irene and Joy had became regular customers at Exodus Café. Kim Junmyeon and Irene bumped into each other more frequently at university. Irene and Joy would come up at Exodus almost alternate day, usually during evening shift. From just simple greeting of “hi, can I take your order,” or “hi, what would you like to have?” or “thank you, till we meet again,” their relationship had bloomed into something new.

\----

Kim Junmyeon was wiping the dirty table when he had been greeted by the maknae.

“Hey, Jun-hyung, I got something for you..” Kim Taehyung slightly squeezed his nape.

The elder fidgeted a bit, he just knitted his eyebrows.

“I mean, you got this…” the handsome young boy handed him a box fully and neatly wrapped in pink.

“Am I dreaming? It’s not even my birthday…”

“Then consider yourself as the lucky one. I mean not everybody is lucky enough to have secret admirer who is generous enough to drop some present at any random day.”

“I thought you’re the one who give this…”

“Of course not Jun-hyung. If it was from me, I would rather kiss you square,” the mischievous Kim Taehyung teased, which could be considered more than bold to be taken into granted. But coming from the maknae, Kim Junmyeon more than aware that it was how that handsome young guy showed his fondness.

“So, who gave this to me?”

“You should find out later…I wouldn’t tell you, as usual…” Kim Taehyung smirked, tried to annoyed the elder.

For some reason, This kind of joke ridiculously irritated Kim Junmyeon a bit. So he spare a death glare to the younger, thanks for his wrong timing joke.

\-----

Once he reached his apartment later that night, he opened the present box. He was amused to find out what was inside it- not that fancy, but a cute little bunny plushy. His both hands held it up by it’s long ear, he smiled to himself (or may be to that little bunny if it was life), looking up into that bunny’s eyes. Too bad, he didn’t know the person behind this gift because the only right thing to do was to show his gratitude.

“Aigoo…who gave you to me huh, “ he muttered, his eyes still locked to bunny’s eyes, as if pretending to talk to that little plushy.

But, a moment later, something buzzed in his pocket pant. It was message notification. He took out the cell phone and scan for the message.

 

From; (unknown number)

Hi Jun! It’s me, Irene. Do you like that little plushy?

It really cute, it remind me of you. Hope you like it.

 

Once finishing reading the message his smiled to himself.

So, after all, it was from that beautiful girl, Irene. He also acknowledged the fact ‘that little rascal’ had given his number without his permission.

So, you’re a cute little bunny come from Irene, huh. He looked into that bunny’s eyes for upteempth times. He was deep in thought for a while. A moment later, he found himself saving the contact number and typing something on his cell phone.

 

To; Irene

Hi again. Thank you so much Irene. I really like bunny.

He’ll be my best buddy. I’ve already talked to him, he seem to understand .

He’s really cute, just likes you.

 

Kim Junmyeon knew, ‘thank you’ was not enough to show his gratitude. But here he was, still not good at words. He was uncertain of what he should have replied back to make the message sound better. Whatever, he already pressed the ‘send’ button.

 

From; Irene; 

Jun, are you free this coming Sunday?? I mean I’ve bought movie tickets for two, but Joy got something else to do. Would you like to come with me?

 

Kim Junmyeon sensed no harm in keeping Irene’s company. After all, it was only right to accept the invitation because that beautiful girl was kind enough to give him some cute plushie, although as a man, he was not into something fluffy. Whatever it was, he could not afford to upset her feeling.

\--

The said date finally came within no time. So that was how Kim Junmyeon finally found himself being together with Irene, watching Chinese kungfu movie. Because the movie was something related to Chinese stuff and all, it kind reminded him to half Chinese, Luhan. Even the hero itself looked pretty similar to his ex-boyfriend. Kim Junmyeon sighed internally. He really wanted to slap some sense into himself, right here, right now, but had to restrain because damn it, he was not all alone. This was no good at all.

His attention to the movie had totally been swiped away to no where, replaced by the image of that handsome beardy Luhan. Since he broke with that half mixed, the image of the elder almost always flashed into his mind, he had tried his best to stir away the image, but the effort kind of futile. However, this movie accentuated the image further more.

Kim Junmyeon almost run out his patience, but thank god, after two and half hour, the movie wrapped, ending up his internal suffering. He felt relieved because as far as he could, he didn’t want to ruin the moment of being together with Irene. That beautiful and innocent girl was too precious in this world. She didn’t deserved any single hurt, nor pain nor blatant mistreatment!!!

\--

They did some window shopping after having their lunch. They had nothing in particular to buy, but for Kim Junmyeon, he tried hard searching for cute stuff as a gift for Irene. Well, that girl might not ask for something in return, but it was only right for Kim Junmyeon to do as such. Again, nothing particular in his mind. He really had no idea what does a girl like or love the most.

But his searching finally came to an end, when his eyes caught something cute displayed over one of the gift shop. It was a cute bunny necklace, tinted in silver.

He kind of shooed her away from him, instructing her to buy some cold drink of soda flavour although he already had once before. Well, he had to. Otherwise, it would be difficult for him to surprise Irene if that girl clinging to him all the times.

Kim Junmyeon knew, nothing fancy and luxurious in this very small gift. If he wanted to be honest to himself, the present kind of childish, but it was perfect for Irene- she was pure, innocent just likes a child. Nevertheless, it’s the thought that counts, right?

“I have something for you, Irene,” Kim Junmyeon handed Irene the small box which contain bunny necklace that he securely bought once Irene returned to him.

Irene widened her eyes, in the state of beautiful surprise. “Ah..Really..Is that the reason you’ve made me run an errand?” Irene beamed at him, gently pinched his forearm. Kim Junmyeon just slowly nodded.

“Thank you, Jun,” Irene excitedly threw herself to him, making him hugged her back, well quite awkwardly to be honest.

“Ah, sorry Jun…I’m so excited that I got drifted away….” She apologized when she realised how over- reacting she was. She pulled herself out from Kim Junmyeon’s arm.

“No worry..” Kim Junmyeon reassured. He would never get mad for something cute and adorable likes this one. Thus, he flashed his brightest smile. “Sorry if it was just a simple gift, nothing fancy in it, but I hope you’ll like it..”

\----

 

 

 

The time was around 10.30 pm. Kim Junmyeon had been stucked with kitchen duty for more than four hours and it was finally time to clean up before closing the shop. He had finished wiping the last cup dry and stacked it on the rack. Meanwhile, Yoona was cleaning the removable iron plates under the running tap water.

And for the final part, before they could call it a day was to take out the waste from the kitchen. “Yeay, we almost finish…” Kim Junmyeon said while stretched his neck and back a bit. To be honest, he felt sore all over his body. “Yeah..we only have that damn waste to be thrown away..” Yoona replied softly. She giggled a bit.

“It’s okay Yoona, just leave it to me…you can get change.”

“Are you sure Jun, I feel bad to leave them to you alone..We can go together you know”

“Don’t fret. I’m a guy any way. So, it was only right for me to handle heavy duty likes this, am I right?”

“But…” Yoona tried to reasoned out, but been cut off by Kim Junmyeon.”I insist for this, don’t’ feel guilty..”. It was understandable that anybody with kind and sweet heart would feel guilty anyhow.

“If you insist so…” Yoona gave him that kind of ‘heavy heart’ look before removing her apron. She inhaled a deep breath. Kim Junmyeon smiled and nodded. “ Then, I’ll have no choice…but please be careful, okay…”Yoona reminded him, sparing concern look before disappearing behind the door.

\--

Now, he was alone by himself. He slowly opened the back door that connect the kitchen with outside. He cautiously peeked through slightly opened door.

The night outside was all dark, and silent, only cold breeze of wind could heard and felt. For some reason, he felt sudden goose bump as if he was currently in horror movie himself.

Having said that he would do just fine, now he regretted his decision trying to act all tough likes in front of yoona and rejected assistant from the later. He summoned all of courage just to step out from the kitchen’s door. He really wanted to turn back, but he didn’t want to be call as a coward either. So, here he was, walking likes a little rat, timid and fast, as if it can sense it predator. He made himself flat against the wall.

Lucky for him, there were street light illuminating the surrounding area, and from here, he could see a tall grey coloured bin not far from where he stood. He walked even faster after seeing the sight of light source.

Finally, he reached his aim site. He released his hold on plastic garbage to the ground for a while. He took a very deep breath, feeling all relief because finally he had made it. Kim Junmyeon knew, it sound so childish of him for being so coward or scaredy cat for something so trivial likes this and even more with self-satisfaction with something that far stretched to be called as achievement.

He opened the industrial bin. He threw the two plastic garbage one by one. He was closing the industrial bin when he felt somebody held his body strongly from behind and covered up his nose and mouth with cloth. His nose could sense some strong pungent smell emitted from the white cloth.

Kim Junmyeon was trying to figure out ways to ask for help. He glanced at the back door, hoping that anyone from inside would see what was happening outside, but to his horror, he had just left the door shut closed.

The last resort was to fight by himself, although he was pretty sure himself that the probability to win against this guy was scarce, no almost zero to be honest. He tried to free himself from the assailant, but his attacker was far stronger and bigger than himself. Damn that monstrous strength, damn himself for being tiny and weak.

He tried to scream, but his mouth had been shut long time before. He got panic attack and forget to breath properly. The strong pungent smell and plus, the fact that he already exhausted himself struggling, made him suffocated.

His body became weaker and weaker, as his breathing became slowly shallower and shallower. His vision became hazier and hazier…as his lids became heavier, unable to still opened.

The last thing he ever remembered was his surrounding became all dark.

 

 

 

The very first thing that met his vision once he opened back his eyes was the unfamiliar surrounding. As far as he knew, he never been in this place before. Kim Junmyeon lost of connection between time and place. What time is currently? Where he is now?

His eyes tried to fix properly on his surrounding, searching for something as a clue, but his severe headache causing him to groaned internally. He shut his eyes again, trying to bear the pain, but before he was able to do so, another pair of eyes locked into his central vision.

“Hello pretty..” The total stranger who was still covering his face except for his eyes part greeted him.

The surrounding was unfamiliar, but that very voice was so familiar to be forgotten just likes that, no matter for how long times have been passing by!!

Siwon, the monster. The man he hated and despised the most in his entire life. This animal never changed although he already passed forty plus of age- his blood still harbour lust for young boy.

And no matter how much that animal tried to hide his face, Kim Junmyeon still could see clearly there was lust in that very damn eyes!!!

Kim Junmyeon was about to jump out from the bed but to his horror, he only figured out that all of his four limbs had been sprawled and pinned.

God, dammit. 

Just great. Now he unable to do anything. Let alone to run. The only best thing he could do right now was to show his disgusted face.

“Myeonni, you’ve grown up so well..I see, you become even more beautiful than the last we’ve seen each other..”

“I see, you never change as well, not for an inch, Siwon!!! No, you’ve became even more animal than the last I saw you…”

“Ouh…” Siwon blew puff of hot air onto Kim Junmyeon’s neck. “You’ve hurt my feeling, beautiful…Now you should pay for this, don’t you think so?…” His ex step father looked into his eyes.

Kim Junmyeon shoot a sharp angry glance, making the man in front of him laughed hysterically.

“What kind of face you give me…but still beautiful…” Siwon tilted up his chin, and caress his face, as if indulging himself with masterpiece.

Kim Junmyeon spitted straight onto Siwon’s eyes. The masked man suddenly become furious and grabbed his collar shirt.

“I love it when you become more aggressive” Siwon removed the masked and swiped off the saliva from his eyes before continuing threatening the poor guy “…rather than submissive…” he whisper straight into his ear. This made Kim Junmyeon’s whole body shivered in terror. Tears started to well up in his eyes as he whimpered, pleading Siwon for mercy, although he knew it was in vain.

Siwon started to licked and bit his neck. “I know you miss my touch, and our moment together, didn’t you?”

Kim Junmyeon swallowed hard his own saliva, his throat felt dry. “ Si..Siwon..Please..stop…please.” He begged for upteempth times. But, the beast in front him did just the opposite.

“Now, let the party begin..” Siwon muttered, almost unheard before kissing Kim Junmyeon vigorously. The younger tried to avoid the kiss by turning his head, but the elder strongly cupped his face and violently abusing his lip.

Siwon’s tongue forcedly entered the younger’s mouth, tasting the cavern and every inch of it. Kim Junmyeon felt as if all of his soul had been sucked out mercilessly by the monster.

Siwon pull off himself from the younger as he felt satisfied a bit. They looked into each other eyes with different meaning in them – Siwon with full of lust, and Kim Junmyeon with full of rage, but being hopeless..

Kim Junmyeon could only looked helplessly as his buttons shirt were unfastened by Siwon. Trying to tug his pinned limbs haphazardly, but his body became sore and ache due to volatile movement. The elder smirked for victory before removing his own shirt, revealing his tough, well built upper trunk. Kim Junmyeon did not want to imagine that monstrous body to crush his tiny, fragile one, so he shut his eyes tightly.

He didn’t want to be touched by this animal again.

He didn’t want to be touched by any other man,

“Myeonni…open your eyes, beautiful..” Siwon kissed him again hungrily. Kim Junmyeon could felt that lustful hands were crawling every inch of his torso, making him jolted with the sensation. “Seem likes your body react with my touch, Myeoni..” Siwon self proclaimed, and Kim Junmyeon hated that. 

Kim Junmyeon knew, it was just a matter of time before he would be taken again by this monster, as this lustful man slowly licked his torso and that tongue made its way further down, and down till it almost reached the younger’s private part.

Luhan!

Luhan!!

Luhan!!!

Kim Junmyeon screamed that half Chinese’s name internally, although he fully aware that he was all alone with this monster and there was no way Luhan would hear him. He was at the verge of give in , at the same of be taken again by Siwon, before he heard some familiar voice.

“ I was wrong…”

And that very voice belong to Luhan. Kim Junmyeon opened his eyes to confirm – at this moment, Siwon already been pull off from him by another strong force.

“I was wrong thinking that you’ll changed…”

Kim Junmyeon could only see Siwon half lying on the floor, hissing in pain, with his right hand hold his left check. Just a foot from that monster was his saviour, the very awaited one- Luhan.

“I should never forgive you, Siwon…I should’ve finished you long times ago…” The furious Luhan wildly attacked Siwon, mercilessly kicked his own father at stomach, chest and back, limbs, render the helpless middle aged man only able to barely move his fingers.

Kim Junmyeon felt thrilled with what had happened in front of him right now. First, Luhan didn’t address his own father as ‘father’, and second, never he saw Luhan this furious before. The half Chinese guy only stopped when his father vomit out blood. 

“Are you okay, Jun?” Luhan asked shakily, his voices sounded in fear. At the same time, doer eyed guy untied the rope that had bound him to the bed.

Of course he was not okay, but, at least he was safe, thanks to his hero who appeared at the right time. Although his body still trembled, Kim Junmyeon slowly nodded nonetheless . When he got back his limbs, he held his own body with his hand crossed each other at chest. Seeing this, Luhan handed him a small blanket.

“Can you run, Jun.?”

“yes”

“Then we should hurry up and get out from here…” Luhan stretched his hand for Kim Junmyeon to hold. “Let run…”

The after-effect being touched by Siwon was bizzare, than Kim Junmyeon felt his legs weak .

“Not that fast…”

Out of sudden, Siwon who appeared almost motionless after being severely beaten up by Luhan, made a move, although very subtle. But, at the same Kim Junmyeon’s mind was in total mess. Little he could process here after, the only thing knew after that was ….a loud sound of blasting shoot and Luhan who fell on top of him, almost motionless.

Luhan’s face was just mere inches from his own. From being notoriously dangerous, the handsome half chinse appeared weak, he barely opened his eyes. Despite of that, there was love and tenderness in that doer eyes.

Luhan stroke Kim Junmyeon’s locks and tucked them behind his ear, as the elder deeply looked into his eyes, savouring every inch of his face, as if there was no tomorrow.

“You’re beautiful, Jun..I’m glad that you’re safe…” Luhan weakly smile. There were happiness and pain in that face. Kim Junmyeon was too speechless to return any single word.

“I’m always love you…Jun..always..” Luhan said for the last time before totally collapsed straight on to his chest.

Kim Junmyeon was still in a shock wave. His hand held the back of elder who collapsed on to him.-- there was sticky liquid on his back and once Kim Junmyeon looked at his own hands, they were smeared in very dark red liquid.

The person who he loved the most had been completely covered with blood!!!

“Luhan!!!”

 

 

 

“Lu-ge…I love you…” Kim Junmyeon was in sobbing mess. How could he not? After all, the man who was currently lying, still unconscious, on the hospital couch was the one who shielded him from being hit by the incoming bullet.

“Lu-ge…I love you..” Kim Junmyeon held the elder man’s hand and brought it to his lip. “So, Lu-ge, please open you eyes..” he planted a small kiss onto elder’s hand.

“If you say so, how about Irene then?”

Kim Junmyeon was taken aback for a while. He thought he was hearing Luhan’s voice. He looked up to the elder’s face. He saw the half Chinese giggled. So, this man already awake for a while. He decided to tenderly pinched the elder’s at the shoulder for pretending still not regain his consciousness. “Auch!!” the elder naughtily whined.

“Now I’m regretting for saying those things” Kim Junmyeon suddenly flustered being teased by the sick man. He felt annoyed, but in a good way, because he knew his Lu-ge always has its way to tease him. There was no way he could ever been totally mad with this man.

“Come again, I want to hear it again…”Luhan playfully provoked the younger. Kim Junmyeon only able to shoot a death glare toward the elder. This made Luhan became more amused. “Lu-ge, I Love you…So Lu-ge please open your eyes…”Luhan imitated the younger.

The teasing was too much for Kim Junmyeon to handle. His face felt blushed and hot.

“Luge!!! Can you not?” The smaller man unknowingly punched the half Chinese at chest, using his both hand, in fondly manner.

But the handsome half Chinese fastly grabbed his hands at wrist. “May be I should pretend closing my eyes even more longer, so that you’ll kiss me at my lips instead..likes fairy tale snow white..” his tone voice changed from playful into serious one, but there was still tenderness in it, and perhaps, may be mixed with desire?

Luhan looked into his eyes intensely. Kim Junmyeon was not mistaken. He gulped nervously once he realised the hidden message behind the spoken words coming from the elder.

“Shut up..just close your eyes again..”

Luhan smirked, but nevertheless obeyed that instruction. Kim Junmyeon gave a small peck on top of the elder lips- it was timid and innocent. Nevertheless, Luhan seem to be satisfied.

“Because Irene is not you…” Kim Junmyeon murmured once he kissed the elder, answering the previously unsettled question.

Luhan knitted his eyebrows, giving a curious look with the sudden confession.

“I can only love you, nobody else. I love your beard, I love your doer eyes, I love your teasing, I love your coffee, I love your voice…I love everything about you…” The smaller man shyly said. It took all of his will power just for this confession.

Luhan softly smiled. His hands gently held Kim Junmyeon’s waist. “Stay with me? I will be your home forever…”

The younger shyly nodded.

 

 

 

 

20th April 20**

Every happiness will come to an end right? It will not last longer no matter how much we wished it would. No matter what we do, every human being is bound to their own fate. Kim Junmyeon realised his times together with Luhan was almost up. But, for the very least, he knew the true meaning of happiness and being in loved and would savour every taste of it till the end. Although he wanted he could have more times together with Luhan, he knew every moment with Luhan was the best moment in his life and he could not ask for more than he already had.

It was his husband’s birthday and Kim Junmyeon wanted to look special in his lover’s eyes. He looked at the mirror for upteempth times. He and his ethereal look, but he knew it better-every beauty will fade away, but only memory remain untouched in every heart.

He could sense this very day was his very last day with his Lu-ge, despite he himself never want to leave the half Chinese side. But he wanted to give his all on their very last moment together.

He just wore the white bath robe, intentionally slightly exposing his chest. Nothing fancy or special, but the only extravagant was his black chocker encircled his white neck. There was very small folded paper hanging on it.

It was already late night as he sat on rest chair near the window, Kim Junmyeon waited patiently and may be perhaps nervously for his husband to return to their little apartment. He looked up at the sky where the beautiful moon shine heavenly from above.

 

Deep in the night when even the stars fall asleep,

The lonely moon rises. 

It softly comes down to the windowsill and shine on you.

 

Yes, indeed Kim Junmyeon waited patiently for Luhan. He looked beautiful without doing anything.

 

Knock!!! Knock!!!

Kim Junmyeon smiled by himself. He immediately run toward the knocking door to greet his husband.

Once he turned the door knob and opened it, his eyes locked with the most handsome knight in his life. Yes, that knight was one and only- Luhan. He threw himself toward his husband, hand hanging on his nape. Kim Junmyeon giggled as Luhan securedly wrap his slim waist.

 

 

In it, you wear a slipper made of glass, 

You come to me shyly and come to into my arm and laugh

 

“Happy birthday darling…” the younger softly wished his husband. And he timidly had to tip toe to plant a kiss on top of Luhan’s forehead.

“I have something special for you, Lu-ge, “ Kim Junmyeon whispered rather seductively.

“What is that?” Luhan knitted his eyebrows.

But the smaller man just chuckled and shook his head in a very cute way, not wanting to reveal anything yet. Luhan was rather inpatient as he scooped the younger at his knee and carried him in bridal style, heading toward their bedroom.

-

As gentleman as he was, Luhan gently placed the fragile looking young man onto the mattress. He caress the beauty face with utmost tenderness. “What did you mean, my Junmyeonni…” he asked again softly, looking deep into his eyes, as if trying to figure out something.

Kim Junmyeon didn’t utter any single word, but instead, his index finger shyly pointed toward the folded paper hanging at the chocker. The elder silently smirked, as he hands gently took out the note.

 

To; My Darling- Luge

Happy birthday. You turn out becoming more handsome on every passing day. I am grateful just by your side- doing nothing.

Your birthday gift is actually me, myself.

Hope you enjoy your birthday gift to the fullest

I love you till eternity.

 

Luhan gulped hard once he completed reading the note. He seemed to understood well. “Are you sure Myeonni? You know you don’t have to force yourself if you were not ready yet…”

But Kim Junmyeon just looked deeply into the elder’s eyes, seeking for understanding. His hand still wrapped around Luhan’s neck as he initiated the kiss.

Without any single word, but Luhan understood well- Kim Junmyeon really wanted this, and he himself really wanted to fulfil the wish.

“As you wish, my prince..Let me take care of you…” Luhan whisper straight into Kim Junmyeon’s ear.

 

He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming, 

The night is deeply soaked in moonlight,

This is the only time we have to ourselves. 

 

Yes, this was the only remaining time they had to themselves - savouring every little moment together and their mere existence to each other.

\---

The next morning came. Kim Junmyeon slowly opened his eyes, but he knew it very well, this would be his last time for everything.

His eyes met the sight of his handsome husband who was still sleeping peacefully. But he knew, this would be his last time to see him.

His hands caress his husband beard, and ramble his brunette hair. But he knew, this would be his last time to gently touch him.

 

He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming. 

You’re sleeping inside of me, 

I give and smile

All I do is look at you. 

 

Kim Junmyeon smiled happily. “Luge..” he uttered that name. But he knew, this would be his last time to utter that name.

“I love you, forever…” This would be his last time to say how much he love him, although it would never enough.

Kim Junmyeon slowly closed his eyes, but he smiled contently, feeling grateful for everything. Because, the next time when he open his eyes-He would be in another dream- an eternal dream.

“I love you......."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N; Although the story itself sound already ended, but it still not completed yet. I thought I could write double update, but it already late here, so I better stop now.
> 
> Cry me a river for still unable to complete my story as yet.
> 
> Ah, since this story is kind of sad and all, that Iwhy I also wrote the side story of this- We don’t talk anymore, to make up for it’s angst state.


	6. Epilogue : He's Dreaming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

After around 3 weeks

 

Knock!! Knock!! Knock!!

“May I come in, Jun- hyung?” I asked as I knocked Jun hyung’s room.

No answer. But, I slowly made myself in to his room. Not that I expected any answer any how, but I just likes…I don’t know, probably I still wanted to feel likes he was still there, smiling at me…Or may be perhaps, I strongly felt his presence although he was no longer in this world. I brought together with me a diary which belong to my best favourite sunbae of all time, and my best friend forever- Kim Junmyeon. 

I switched on the light. His room was neat and tidy, but a little bit, just a little bit dusty. Otherwise, nothing much change in term of decoration and arrangement.

“May I sit here, Jun- hyung?” I asked for permission again, as my hands gently pulled out the chair from his study table.

My eyes trailed over his collection of pictures, some were pinned to the soft board, some were put in picture frame, neatly placed on the study table. Among them, two pictures that had caught my attention the most- the picture of him, Luhan hyung and me together. The first picture was during our childhood, and the second picture was us, that had been taken around two years ago- tried to re-incarnate the first picture. Jun-hyung looked all cute with his trademark ‘peace’ signature. Both having him being sandwiched by the two us- Luhan hyung and me. I smiled to myself as I touched the image of Jun-hyung. “I miss you…a lot..Jun-hyung, “ I muttered under my breath. I knew, he knew..but still, I wanted to tell, how much I miss him.

I slowly opened the diary that he had entrusted to me, just one day prior to Luhan hyung birthday. Together with that diary, he also handed to me a letter, to be passed to his husband later on.

 

“I know, I can entrust this to you…” he said as he handed the diary to me. That words, and that voices, still I can remember vividly. I knew, this diary was precious to him. 

 

Only now I have strength and courage to open and read the pieces of his memory. I slowly flipped through, page by page. Some made me cry, some made me smile. But, my eyes stuck at particular page, at particular date.

 

27th September 20**

Dear Diary,

My vision become foggy, I couldn’t see clearly

My limbs felt numb and floppy,

I couldn’t think right, I couldn’t think straight..

All I see is darkness, as if I was already at the end of the world,

Without light at the end of the tunnel.

“I’m apologized in advance Mr Kim. You’ve been diagnosed to have lung cancer. it already metastasize to your liver. It has been there for quite a while, but it insidious onset made us found this rather late….”the doctor said.

 

My heart felt likes had been teared into two upon hearing this…word upon word, as he frankly revealed, my prognosis is no good..

How could it even possible for happiness to last this short?

It was too hard for me to accept my own fate.

My lord,

Grant me a strength to look strong in front of my husband

To look bright likes a diamond.

 

Lu-ge,

I love you to the heaven. But, I could not tell you this…because I know you’ll sad. 

And, I just want to see your smiley face till the end of my life. .

So, forgive me Lu-ge for not telling anything about this.

\----

 

My mind traced back to the event which had happened around seven months ago.

Jun-hyung and me were at the living room, doing our group assignment together. Well, it was more toward paired assignment. I was glad to be paired with Jun-hyung.

For these several months, I’ve noticed several physical changes in Jun-hyung. He looked even thinner than he already was. Almost appeared likes living human skeleton, to be honest. And he looked even paler than his original skin colour. But, when ever I brought out my thought, he just said he kind of tired and over exhausted himself.

“I’m okay..You’re thinking too much baby, “ he quickly denied. He smile, but I notice, it appeared weak as he even barely do that.

He was lying on his stomach on the couch. I knew he love to do his works in that position, But after short while, he coughed several times, and curled on his stomach. He immediately popped up from the couch, and stomped toward toilet direction, with his hand cover up his mouth. He had another cough, and this times, he had to stop from running.

 

“Hyung..are you…”..I couldn’t even finished my word as my eyes felt likes widened open upon seeing some spot of blood stained his palm and sleeves. He was on the floor, sitting in knee position at that time.

My hyung was coughing out blood!!!

“Dae-shi, I’ve lung cancer, and the doctor said my prognosis is poor..it already late stage..” he finally admitted, once his coughing stopped. I gently patted his small back.

“You’re the only one who knows this. Please don’t tell Luhan …”

“But hyung..” I hesitated to follow his request.

“Please… Dae..”

I looked deeply into his eyes, and I slowly nodded, because all I could see was pleading look in that brown orbs.

\---

 

I still could sense his presence in this room, although I knew, he already far far away from this world.

I still could hear his small, melodious laugh.

I still could see his beauty,

I still could feel his soft skin and warmness enveloped that small body.

I know my life will continue in the memory of you. Jun-hyung

 

I grabbed one of the pen that neatly arranged in the stationary box. From here on, I let my mind and emotion flowed onto the one piece of paper, likes a flow of river, because my love to my Jun-hyung will never stop.

 

He’s Dreaming

 

 

 

 

22th May 20**

Exodus Café

 

That man, who was currently sitting at the stage, looked all serene. There was sorrow in his doe orbs, but still, he remain calmed and composed. One of hand held firmly the guitar, and another held the microphone. There was not that a lot of people, but still reasonable to make some one feel likes he was performing in front of the crowd.

The air was still silence and all eyes were on him.

“This song is dedicated to the one who I love the most. Today is his birthday…but he is no longer in this world…” he announced. There was grief welled in his voice. “He’s Dreaming..’ he muttered, almost unheard.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, looked so deep in his emotion, probably drowning in reminisce with his lover. He slowly streamed up the guitar.

 

Deep in the night when even the stars fall asleep,

The lonely moon rises.

It softly comes down to the windowsill and shine on you.

And let you dream while you sleep/

 

In it, you wear a slipper made of glass,

You come to me shyly and come to into my arm and laugh

 

He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming,

The night is deeply soaked in moonlight,

This is the only time we have to ourselves.

 

He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming,

I give in and smile at you sleeping inside of me.

All I do is look at you.

 

Because when the morning comes,

You’ll wake up as if nothing happened.

 

I always appeared in your dreams.

And it would be just the two of us together

Whenever I see someone so pure as you

I start to laugh too for some reason

I’m going crazy, I want to be greedy.

I want to hold you in my arm

And tell you that I love you but,

It’s false hope, when the morning comes,

You won’t remember.

I’m afraid that I’ll be forgotten.

No, no comes back

 

When the deep night comes to an end,

I fade likes a smoke

I come back to you on dark night,

With a dream.

 

I’ll came visit you several times,

Every night in your dreams.

But sometimes it become unbearable

When you look at me like you’ve never seen me before.

 

He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming

The night is deeply soaked in moonlight,

This is the only time we have to ourselves.

(will you remember)

 

He’s dreaming, he’s dreaming.

You’re sleeping inside of me,

I give and smile

All I do is look at you.

 

Because when the morning comes (again)

As if nothing happened.

You’ll wake up (it was a dream to be forgotten)

 

Clapping sound could be heard once he finished his singing. But I was the last one to stop applaud. Not that because I was impressed with my own song, but rather the performance itself – the way the half Chinese guy gave all his heart into this song- likes he was stirring everyone’s emotion. Some of the customers could be seen teared up.

He glanced at me, our eyes locked into each other. He then flashed his smile.

“Special thanks for my precious friend, also my beloved dongsaeng , Kim Jondae for writing and composing this song..’ he made another announcement. There was another applause following that. But tears already well up in his eyes, as if he was trying to hold up.

\--

“Hey, Luhan hyung, “ I greeted him once he walked toward my place.

“Hey, Dae..”

“That’s very breathtaking performance..you do justice to the song..” I genuinely complimented him.

“The one who is amazing here is you, Dae, not me..Erm, thanks for writing and composing this beautiful song. I know it took a lot from you..’

I just blushed with the compliment. To be honest, I didn’t mind at all.

“Luhan-hyung..Jun-hyung asked me to give this to you…” I said as I handed him Jun-hyung’s final letter.

Luhan silently read the letter, I don’t know what was the content of it, but the next thing was, Luhan could no longer hold his tear. He was in total sobbing mess, as he hugged me and placed his head on my shoulder.

“I’m sorry for not telling you about his illness, hyung..Jun-hyung wanted me to keep it as a secret. He wanted to see you happy till the end of his life..” I tenderly patted his back, trying to comfort the elder.

“Thanks Dae, for always be there for him and for two of us..I owe you a lot..” he muttered in his sobbing. He probably referred to my agreement to help him to meet Jun-hyung again during initial stage of Exodus cafe establishment.

“And thanks to you too, Luhan hyung..to be with him when he took his last breath.. I believe, he was truly happy during his last moment…what he need the most was to be with you, hyung…”

He pulled himself from me. We looked into each other.

“ I love him…and I miss him a lot, Dae..”

“I know…but for now, let him rest…because he’s dreaming..”

 

 

For now, rest in peace…till we’ll met each other again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N; Sorry for making Junmyeon died. Kim Jongdae is the author of He’s dreaming, and I am Kim Jogdae. Among the reason why I made Kim Jogdae as Kim Junmyeon’s best friend was because he is the original song writer for She’s dreaming.
> 
> Thanks for reading my not so fabulous FF. Hehe.. please drop any comment, critic or encouragement bcoz it is a fuel for every writer
> 
> Next project would be another weird pair- kim junmyeon and Kim Taehyung..sorry for weird pair. I’m weirdo by the way


End file.
